


(if you're) interested

by ethandiesofdysentery



Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Matchmaking, Multi, Open Relationships, featuring a vague implication that ethan is a top, kiss your friend for the sake of your fluffy boy, the girlfriends are conspiring, this is hilarious I'm so smart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:48:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23931826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ethandiesofdysentery/pseuds/ethandiesofdysentery
Summary: “You’re trying to set me up withMark!”Mika looks up from her phone, sprawled cat-like across the couch in a way that can’t possibly be comfortable. “Who said anything about Mark? I didn’t say Mark.”“You were talking toAmyon the phone the other night!” Ethan continues, ignoring Mika’s response. He points an accusing finger at her. “You two areconspiring!”Mika snorts, looking down at her phone again as she casually replies, “We’re not conspiring. We just have a mutual interest in getting our boyfriends to stop fucking pining after each other.”
Relationships: Mark Fischbach/Amy Nelson, Mark Fischbach/Ethan Nestor, Mika Midgett/Ethan Nestor
Comments: 11
Kudos: 391





	(if you're) interested

**Author's Note:**

> hey, w here! i wrote this all on my own because i could not get this idea out of my head. i fucking love the girls, y'all. and i can so totally see this happening. iconic.
> 
> i PROMISE we are working on hsu!! sometimes you just gotta write some fresh bullshit before you finish your slightly better bullshit
> 
> love y'all! thanks for supporting us!  
> -w

Mika has that look on her face again.

Ethan is just trying to edit the latest Unus Annus video without being interrupted, and even though he hasn’t been interrupted yet, the look on Mika’s face says, _I am definitely going to interrupt you at the worst fucking time_. Ethan forces himself to turn back to the screen and focus on cutting out the bit where Mark fell on top of him and their faces ended up way too close together and it took way too long for either of them to move and there’s no way that can stay in the video because there’s too much fanfiction as it is, and-

Okay, it’s killing him.

“What?” he says, shooting his girlfriend a glare. She just smiles innocently.

“Oh, I was just thinking,” she says breezily, in the way that means Ethan doesn’t want to know what she was thinking about, but she’ll tell him anyways, damn it. “Are you interested in someone else?”

“ _Excuse me_?” Ethan slams his laptop shut, losing his work be damned. He stares at Mika, trying to see some sort of accusation on her face, as that’s the only emotion that makes sense with that sort of fucking question, but there’s nothing but nonchalance in her features. “Are you asking if I’m _cheating on you_?”

“What? No. Why would you think that?” Mika cocks her head to the side in a way Ethan would normally find adorable, and perhaps deserving of a quick kiss that leaves them falling into giggles for no apparent reason, but not in this situation.

“You’re my girlfriend, and you asked me if I’m ‘ _interested in someone else_ ’!” Ethan says, mouth hanging open even after the words have stopped coming out. Mika just shrugs, the absolute bastard. 

“Not like _seeing_ someone else,” she responds, like this is all a normal conversation to have with your boyfriend. “Just asking if you’re _interested_ in seeing someone else.”

Ethan can’t stop gaping, and now his heartbeat is edging on erratic. _What’s going on here?_ Is she…

“Are you breaking up with me?” he asks, trying his best not to panic, and wishing the most pressing concern on his mind wasn’t _how are we going to share custody of Spencer?_

Mika immediately shakes her head. “Of course not! I love you, Eth, you know that. I’m just asking a question.”

Ethan finally forces his mouth to shut, and takes a deep breath, thanking whatever god there may or may not be for the fact that he’s not about to get dumped - or, heaven forbid, share custody of his dog. One more deep breath, and he manages to make himself say, “Why? I’d never leave you for someone else, babe, _you_ know _that_.”

Mika nods. “Of course I do. You were just looking at your computer a little weird, that’s all. You were blushing.” Before Ethan can yell something stupid at her, she continues, “You wouldn’t have to leave me. If you wanted to date someone else, I mean.”

Ethan narrows his eyes, expecting Mika to avoid his gaze, because she has to be guilty of something, but she meets his eyes without hesitation, so maybe not.

“We’re not having this conversation,” Ethan tells her, and she just shrugs and turns her eyes back to her phone. 

“Okay,” she says, shrugging. “I was just saying.”

Ethan reopens his computer and watches as it reloads the unfortunate moment in the video. He shakes his head. He was not looking at his computer weird, and if he was blushing, it was _embarrassment_. Mika is misinterpreting shit, and he’s overthinking this.

He cuts it out faster than he’s ever cut a clip out of a video before, and moves on, pretending nothing had happened - of course, nothing actually happened in the first place, right?

\---

“Holy shit, babe, look at that guy.”

Ethan groans, trying not to make it audible. He’s always game for weird dates, but sitting in the mall food court as Mika points out every attractive guy she sees is not a date he has ever wanted to go on.

Ethan isn’t even bothered because Mika is talking about other guys. He’s bothered because, rather than talk about them like _she’s_ interested, she’s talking about them like _Ethan_ is.

(Not that he’s _not_. But when your long-term girlfriend you never came out to is trying to set you up with strange men in a mall food court, it’s a little fucking weird.)

“Come on, oh my god, look at _him_ ,” Mika says, not at all discreetly pointing a finger at a guy standing in front of Subway. He’s tall, pale, curly brown hair, blue eyes, check, check, check, and okay, yes, he’s Ethan’s type - one of Ethan’s types, seeing as Ethan’s “type” is any man who smiles at him ( _WHO ISN’T HIS BEST FRIEND_ , he feels the need to specify). He gives in and nods. 

“Yeah,” he agrees, “he’s cute.”

Mika is giving him The Look again. God fucking damn it.

“Are _you_ interested in someone else?” he asks, gesturing slightly less than sarcastically at Subway Man, hoping it draws attention away from his admission that yes, look, a man is cute.

Mika shakes her head. “Nah. Just people watching.” She turns her head, and Ethan can see her eyes lock dead on a tall, muscular man with dark skin and a buzz cut, and he can’t even groan before she surprises him by pointing in front of him instead, at a short girl with bright pink hair and an oversized hoodie. “Oh, she’s _gorgeous_ ,” she says, and not in the ‘I’m trying to get an agreement out of you’ way. Ethan watches her grin. She actually looks _interested_ , to use Mika’s own wording against her. 

Against his better judgement, Ethan says, “I didn’t know you were into girls.”

Mika shrugs. “And I didn’t know you were into guys.” 

Ethan rolls his eyes. “Well, just because I didn’t _tell_ you-” He clamps his mouth shut in shock as soon as he realizes what he’s saying. “Oh my god, that wasn’t fair!” Mika is laughing her goddamn head off, because of course she is.

“I _knew_ it!” she says, slapping the table as she giggles, drawing the attention of approximately everyone in this fucking mall. 

“You can’t lie about liking girls to get me to out myself!” Ethan complains.

“Wasn’t lying,” Mika says matter-of-factly. “Were you?”

Ethan groans, rubbing his hands down his face, as if this wasn’t already the weirdest week of his life. “No,” he admits.

Mika smiles at him. “I’m not gonna spill. I promise.” Her smile turns into a smirk as she continues, “I’m sure you’ll do it yourself.” 

Ethan sputters helplessly. “Hey!” he exclaims. “I will _not_!”

Mika laughs again, and if she wasn’t so cute, Ethan would _murder her_. 

“Sure, Ethan,” she says, “I believe you.”

Ethan knows she damn well doesn’t.

\---

Ethan wakes up in the middle of the night, head pressed into the pillow, completely confused. He’s not the kind of person to wake up in the middle of the night unless there’s a reason. So why is he awake now?

“I _told_ you he’s bi!” He recognizes Mika’s voice, whisper-yelling into what he assumes is her phone, hoping she isn’t talking to some random stranger in their bedroom. A garbled voice on the other end replies, barely intelligibly, “I didn’t say you were _wrong_.”

Ethan keeps his face pressed dutifully into the fabric of the pillowcase, hoping Mika hasn’t noticed he’s awake, and pretending he’s less than ninety-nine percent sure she just outed him to an unknown person on the phone. _You’ll spill it yourself, my ass_ , he thinks.

“So,” she says, “how’s it going on your end?”

The person on the phone groans. “Not great. I can’t get him to admit anything. I’ve done everything short of straight-up asking.”

Mika makes a huffing noise. “Maybe try that?”

“Are you kidding me?” the phone says. “That’s way too obvious.”

“You never know,” Mika replies. “You would not _believe_ what Ethan fell for.”

Ethan pulls the covers all the way over his head, muffling the conversation enough that he can no longer understand it. He’s not dealing with this right now. It’s too early and/or late, and he’s probably dreaming in the first place. Things have been weird, but not _this_ weird.

“Don’t worry,” he hears Mika say, just loudly enough that he can hear her, “they’re not going to figure it out.”

\---

Ethan has come to a conclusion.

Mika is trying to set him up with someone.

First she tells him he can date someone else if he wants, and now she’s accidentally-on-purpose making him come out? He’s getting matchmaker-ed over here, and based on fact number two, it’s almost certainly with a guy.

So, in summary, it’s making it _really_ hard to film.

Ethan cannot for the life of him focus enough to fix the angle of the camera, but he’s sure as hell going to try. The tripod has decided it wants to sit about two degrees off-balance in every possible position, and to be honest, Ethan is thankful for the distraction. 

“It’s fine, you know,” Mark pipes up from behind him. “We can rotate the video when we’re editing. It’s literally one of the easiest edits to do. You don’t need to worry about the camera.”

Ethan groans and falls back on the couch next to his friend, shrugging. “I guess you’re right. I’m just stressed lately.”

Mark frowns, turning his body at an angle to face him. “You good?”

“Yeah, it’s just…” Ethan laughs a little, but not because it’s funny. “Mika keeps telling me I can see someone else if I want to. Like, and still date her, I mean.” He’s about to continue with the “being set up” explanation, minus the whole _bi_ thing, when Mark cuts him off.

“That’s weird,” he says, with a little laugh, though his does have humor in it. “Amy’s been doing the same thing.”

Ethan’s mouth snaps shut, and he stands bolt upright. 

“Ethan?” Mark says, frowning. “Are you okay?”

“I’m good,” Ethan says grimly. “I just...left something at home. I have to go.”

And with that, he bolts out the door.

\---

“You’re trying to set me up with _Mark_!”

Mika looks up from her phone, sprawled cat-like across the couch in a way that can’t possibly be comfortable. “Who said anything about Mark? I didn’t say Mark.”

“You were talking to _Amy_ on the phone the other night!” Ethan continues, ignoring Mika’s response. He points an accusing finger at her. “You two are _conspiring_!”

Mika snorts, looking down at her phone again as she casually replies, “We’re not conspiring. We just have a mutual interest in getting our boyfriends to stop fucking pining after each other.”

“No one is _pining_!” Ethan insists, crossing his arms. No need to point the ol’ accusation finger at someone who’s already admitted to the accusation. He’s fully aware his face is bright red, but it’s because of anger, not anything else he might be feeling. Definitely. “You can’t just - just fuck with our lives like that! That’s not fair!” He’s aware of the way his voice crescendos into a whine at the end, but he does his best to ignore it.

“I understand your feelings,” Mika tells him with the level-headedness of someone who does understand, but maybe doesn’t care, “but if I have to watch you breathe out _one more lovesick sigh_ while editing for Unus Annus, I swear to god-”

“No lovesick sighs!” Ethan says. “No sighs! Certainly none that are _lovesick_! That’s not even a word people use!”

Mika’s eyes are right back on her phone, damn it. “We’ll stop. As soon as you two just fucking _kiss_ already.” Ethan is about to retort when she raises an eyebrow without looking up. “Don’t even start. He’s interested. You’re interested. Just _get it over with_.”

Ethan opens and closes his mouth like some sort of fucking idiot, and, ignoring her insinuation about his own feelings, because he could never lie to his girlfriend like _she’s obviously been doing to him_ , he blurts out, “Mark’s _straight_!”

Mika “hm”s to herself and shakes her head. “Not according to his girlfriend.”

Ethan groans, finding himself scrubbing his hands down his face again. “You’re _terrible_.”

“You’ll thank me later,” Mika tells him, as if she already knows it to be true. 

\---

“Eth, where’d you go?” Mark asks when Ethan stalks back into his house. “What did you leave at home?”

“My dignity,” Ethan grits out. “And I didn’t fucking find it.”

\--- 

“No. _No no no_. You can’t do this. This is a _plot_. A _ploy_. A _third thing_.”

Mika gives him a look of faux concern. “None of the dogs deserve to be left home alone,” she says, like she really _cares_. The dogs get left home alone all the time and she knows it.

“I don’t trust you and your _girls’ night_ ,” Ethan tells her. “If I didn’t love our perfect fluffy son so much, I would _never_ have gotten in this car with you.” In the backseat, Spencer barks, as if he knows they’re talking about him.

Mika just shrugs as she pulls up to the sidewalk. “Come on. No plot, or ploy, or whatever, I promise. Can’t Amy and I just hang out?” She flashes him a sickeningly sweet smile that says _I’m lying and you know it but you can’t prove shit, so why don’t you just shut the fuck up._

“Sure. But not when you’re planning a _scheme_ ,” Ethan mutters, though he doesn’t protest again as he picks Spencer up in his arms and follows Mika up to the front door. 

It opens the fucking _second_ Mika knocks, and Amy steps out, smiling like this is all fucking _normal_. “Hey,” she says to Mika, “you ready to go?”

“Yeah, Mika,” Ethan echoes, “are you ready to go out for your _completely normal and plot-free girls’ night_?”

Amy gives Mika a look, and she just nods. Amy shrugs and turns back to Ethan. “Yeah. Exactly what you said.”

Ethan stands in the doorway, Spencer clutched in his arms, simmering in resentment as the girls walk past him and out towards the car. God damn it. Why did he have to get roped into this? _Why does he have to love his dog so much_?

“Ethan? Are you...coming in?”

Ethan jumps, and when his grip loosens, Spencer takes the opportunity to leap from his arms and bolt deeper into the house, where a chorus of loud barks erupts. Ethan shakes his head, amused, then turns to Mark, suddenly feeling...slightly less amused. He _knows_ this is a set up. Amy and Mika have _conveniently_ left Mark and Ethan alone together for a whole night when they’re _coincidentally_ planning a set-up for the two of them. But he can’t help but smile again when he locks eyes with Mark, and god damn it, _Mika was right, wasn’t she._

“You wanna play a game or something?” Mark asks, and Ethan follows him down the hall when he gestures towards the living room. Ethan nods. 

“Sure, as long as it wasn’t Amy’s idea,” he says, shuddering at the thought of the women setting up truth or dare or never have I ever or some bullshit like that.

Mark frowns. “Dude, what crawled up your ass and died?” He shoots Ethan a look over his shoulder as he leads Ethan into the room. “And don’t say your dignity. That joke’s getting old, and unless you explain it, it’s never going to be funny.”

Ethan shrugs and says nothing. Like, fuck, what would he say anyways? _Our girlfriends have decided we need to fuck or maybe something slightly more romantic than that and now we’re trapped together with three dogs to watch and zero girls to be our voices of reason?_ Yeah, ‘cause that’s gonna fly.

Mark shrugs back, and proceeds to flop down on the couch. “Okay, whatever.” He cocks his head to the side, indicating a box on the ground. “Actually, Amy did get a game out…”

Ethan’s eyes land on the Twister box, and he shakes his head so hard it makes his brain hurt. “No. Uh uh. I’m not falling for that.”

Mark gives him a look. “Falling for wh-”

“I know! Let’s play-” Ethan looks desperately around the room, finding nothing but the Twister box and the dogs playing together way too close to every fragile object in the room. “-watch a movie.”

Mark’s Look intensifies. “That’s not a game.”

Ethan looks around frantically, only just now realizing he can’t remember where to find the remote. It’s never in the same place twice. That system may work for Mark, but if Ethan ever couldn’t find his remote on its place on the coffee table, then Mika would be found twenty-four hours later in a ditch somewhere. (Or maybe that’ll still happen now. Who knows? There’s plenty of ditches out there ready to hold a conspiring girlfriend.) 

“Eth? Calm down, are you okay?” Mark is watching helplessly as Ethan tries to squeeze under the couch in search of the elusive remote. Ethan ignores him. “Just need the damn remote…” he hisses out.

“It’s in my hand,” Mark says. Ethan pops straight into a sitting position, knocking his head on the couch on the way up. Hard. He swears under his breath. When he looks up, Mark is standing above him, and he is, in fact, holding the remote. God damn it. “Ethan,” Mark says, carefully, as if he’s trying not to set Ethan off again, “what’s going on? You’ve been weird all week. I’ve never seen you get pissy with Amy before. And not with Mika - not in a ‘for real pissed’ way, I mean.” His eyes are nothing but concerned. _God. Damn. It_. Why does Mark have to be so fucking sweet? It’s not fair! How is Ethan supposed to _not_ fall in love with his best friend when he’s so fucking amazing?

“Fucking hell,” he mutters, “Mika’s got me pinned. Damn it. _Fuck_.”

“Um,” Mark says. “I have no idea what you’re saying.”

Ethan’s neck deep in this shit, and he gets the feeling that he’s going to drown in it unless he can climb out right this second. Even though climbing out entails - he shudders - _talking about his feelings._

“They’re conspiring,” he says, surprised that he’s even admitting it aloud. (And he is really starting to love the word ‘conspiring’, for the record.)

Ethan expects Mark to ask who the hell he thinks is doing this alleged “conspiring”, but Mark doesn’t need to ask, not for a second. “Mika and Amy? What do you mean conspiring? Is this because they’re hanging out without us? Because this isn’t the first time they’ve done that.” Ethan is dying here. Mark didn’t even need to _ask_. Could he stop being so fucking _perfect_ so the inevitable rejection won’t hurt as much? Probably fuckin’ not.

Ethan leans back on the heels of his hands, staring up at the ceiling. He says nothing.

Mark climbs off the couch to sit down next to Ethan, imitating his position. Ethan’s breath catches when Mark brushes against his side. How long has he been doing this shit? How long has it been so obvious that his _girlfriend_ noticed?

“Okay,” he says, “I’ve got it. This is because they’ve been acting weird, right?”

Ethan nods, mouth twisting into a frustrated frown. _Yes, Mark. It’s because they’re acting weird. It’s because they’re trying to get us together because for some reason they’re convinced you feel the same about me as I feel about you. Are you happy now?_

“Amy was talking to me before you showed up,” Mark continues, joining Ethan in his new ceiling fixation. “She told me what’s going on.”

“SHE _WHAT_?” Ethan jumps in shock so badly he tumbles across the floor away from Mark, hitting his head on the couch _again_. His luck is not very good today, in more ways than just his imminent concussion.

Mark’s eyes snap wide open. “Wait. You know?”

“Maybe. _You_ know?” Ethan replies, sitting back up and training a wary eye on Mark.

Mark is suddenly looking a little terrified. “Wait. _What_ do you know?”

“What do _you_ know?”

“I asked first.”

“Yeah, well I asked second.”

Both of them have fallen silent, stuck in an awkward stalemate. Ethan mentally makes a cross over his chest, because if there’s a god, he needs them now, and says, “Mika seems to be convinced that you’re…” He makes dramatic air quotes. “...' _interested_ ’ in me.”

Mark keeps his gaze, careful and slow. “Funny,” he replies, “because Amy seems to think the same about you.”

The silence between them is practically alive now, which is a metaphor that should not make sense, and maybe it won’t later, but now it does. Fuck. Even Ethan’s _thoughts_ are rambling.

“Dear god,” he finally says, “we have _terrible_ girlfriends.”

“I don’t know,” Mark says cautiously. “I think yours might be onto something.”

Alright, _fine_. As much as he doesn’t want Mika to have the satisfaction…

“I hate to say it, but I think yours is too,” he replies, not breaking eye contact for a second.

“That’s good,” Mark says, nodding, “because if one of them was wrong, this would be really awkward.”

Ethan blinks. “Wait, _what_ would be really awk-” He cuts himself off with a tiny squeak of surprise as Mark leans over and kisses him.

Ethan sits stock still, refusing to move. Mark pulls back and meets his eyes. There’s a good ten seconds before Mark says, “Ethan. Talk.”

Ethan would love to say some deep, eloquent thing about _how long I’ve been waiting to do that or some bullshit like that, but what he says instead is, “Mika said they’d stop when we kissed.”_

“Well, thank _fuck_ ,” Mark huffs. “They were getting _really_ annoying.” 

Ethan laughs, and this time, when Mark leans in, he kisses back. They end up curled up unnaturally on the floor, but they don’t break apart, because then they’d have to say _words_ , and on their _own_. Thank god their girlfriends have so far had the consideration to do that for them. 

“You know you were supposed to _watch_ the dogs, right?” 

Ethan sits bolt upright for the second time tonight, and for the third time, he hits his head in the process. He turns to find Amy and Mika standing in the entryway, Mika holding Spencer as Henry and Chica try to knock Amy down, all while surrounded by the shredded remains of pillows and papers. Ethan watches as Amy passes Mika a ten dollar bill, which she accepts with satisfaction. Ethan groans. 

“You _planned_ this!” he complains. “What did you expect?” 

“We expected you two not to be _so_ gay that you let the dogs destroy the living room,” Amy says, raising an eyebrow. Henry and Chica have settled down at her feet, and are happily panting in Mark and Ethan’s direction. Mark is very carefully trying to extract himself from underneath Ethan, but Ethan is a little too shocked to help him. 

“In our defense,” Mark says, finally managing to free himself, though he remains seated on the floor, “you _did_ plan this.” 

“That’s the last time we trust you two with the dogs,” Mika says, ignoring his repetition of Ethan’s earlier complaint. She kneels down to set Spencer next to the two larger dogs, who he happily curls up with. “Next time, we take them.” 

“Take them where?” Ethan asks. “Where did you even go?” 

Amy smirks in a way that says _you shouldn’t have asked_. “Your house.” 

“Ethan,” Mark hisses when Ethan starts to tense up beside him, “don’t get them started.” 

Ethan nods, physically biting back the question that so desperately wants to come out of his mouth. “Well, fine,” he says when he manages to even _think_ of other words. “You were right. Thanks.” He starts to stand up. “I am going to...go home now...and take...my dog…” He gives Mark a desperate look, and Mark gives him a grim look in return that says something like _they’re not done with us yet, you idiot._

Sure enough, Amy says, “No worries, Ethan, we actually came to bring the dogs over to your place ourselves. We figured you guys would leave them like this.” 

“Wait.” Ethan narrows his eyes. _They’re back at it again_. “Then where are we going?” 

Mika smiles at them sweetly - _too_ sweetly. “Nowhere. We didn’t mean to interrupt you.” (Ethan is pretty sure they absolutely fucking did, actually.) “We just wanted to take these guys off your hands so you don’t need to worry about them.” Her stupid sugar-sweet smile is getting even worse, _the bastard_. She scoops Spencer right back up, and Amy must have left the room for a moment, because now she has leashes that she’s attaching leashes to the bigger dogs’ collars. “Have fun.” With that, she turns around, and Amy follows her out the door. The second it slams shut behind them, Ethan drops back to the floor and says, “They’re definitely gonna fuck.” 

“Definitely already did,” Mark replies. He turns to Ethan, cocking his head to the side again, and this time Ethan lets himself admit how cute it is. “Anyways,” he continues, “where were we before our conniving girlfriends interrupted us?” 

“I think you mean _conspiring_ ,” Ethan corrects him, then takes a deep breath, because “where they were” is exactly what Mika and Amy want them to do, but the problem is it’s exactly what _Ethan_ wants them to do, too. So finally, he just grabs Mark by the shoulders and pulls him up against his chest again. “I think,” he begins, “we were right about _here_.” With that, he closes the rest of the gap between their lips, and wraps his arms around Mark’s torso. Mark immediately does the same. 

Okay, so maybe Mika and Amy were right. Maybe he and Mark _were_ pining after each other, or whatever Mika said, after all. Maybe they should’ve figured this out a long time ago. But Ethan will never, ever, _ever_ give either of them the _goddamn satisfaction_ of admitting it. 

So he just keeps kissing Mark instead. 


End file.
